Why i got to know all things that make me .... feel bad.... why i am of exploring nature......??
You tell me something and i can ..... go to root level... it is becoming easier for me now..... and in the end i really think, seeing the outcome, .. why i did that ??? it'll be better if i didnt get this new untold information.
I can tell....... its not alwayz me.... if i am not willing to explore... situations make me do this .... providing opportunities...
I never wanted to know some things!!.... but i know now.... dnt know... how can we erase our memory of certain days....
I'll try to be the same...... try to react in same manner as those things i dnt knw.... but its a pain in doing this ... react with plastic feelings and emotions....
i dnt really like ppl behaving in the way ..... which is not their originality..... but i have to copy that in certain situations now.... i dnt know how much i'll hate myself..
I never hated myself.... i loved the way i am.... no regrets so far..... so this is hard for me....
One thing i can do.... really... i am a person who can tell you things directly (Its just what you feel..... no plastic stuffs)what is the that rubbish of yours ....thts hurting me
...and if you are my friend... and believe.... friends usually appriciate this approach... but some do not and they are not precisly your friends... rather your first level friends..
So the last approach i mentioned here .... i love.... though it is like self distruction...
You never know what you see in this plastic world is true or not... people alwayz... appear that they are your friend.... they can mention your friendship when they need you.... but they never mention whenever you think that they are your friend.....
its all become rubbish stuf in this post....... i dint know what i typed.... but one thing is coming into my mind.... i must start sleeping early.... else...
else what i'll fill this blog with posts no one can understand... :) like this... this is quite quite personal........ and as alwayz.... "no comments are required..." rest your wish....
Moral : Dont do the things you dont like....... do the things you like..... if you are hurted in the outcome just remmeber the time you enjoyed while doing all those things ...... you can handle the outcome your way alwayz....
Saturday, August 25, 2007
The Strange day that ended with BIG CATS!!!
You never know .. for what are you waiting .. sometimes. The same happened to me last night, i just didnt want to sleep expecting something.
I tried doing some office work, generally which i didnt touch at room, but couldnt carry that on for more than 1 hr. Then i did some Net Surfing..... that was also boring !!!
Lastly i took my guitar and started playing that ..it's almost midnight but none of my roommate was complaing .... yesterday... strange for me. They generally asked me not to play it at odd hours .. so as to avoid neighbours yelling at us :D..
Yesterday was different.. when i tried recalling the whole day ... i can feel the day is different. In Office i was given another assignment that will keep me on toes for 2 months. I love such tasks... and feels great that i am being chosen from the whole team. I love taking responsibilities. Thats what i am doing in all phase of my life.... whether .. office ... friends.... rather i would say i have changed myself a bit to obtain .. balance between my office life and personal life. There were times when my friends were alwayz waiting for me to come from office.... yelling at me at times. Those were the times and those all have gone.
I started giving more time to my friends... i was alwayz ready for them... i do this till date ...!!! when i see at me today i am a complete changed person from what i was some 1 yr back, ... well i alwayz appreciated this change... all credit goes to the situations i faced.
When i look back i can see myself people from all sides ready to tell me about their problems... their happines.... this also happened with persons with whome i have a small contact. I can never find the reason for that involvement ... i can never find i know. But at times i felt that i am becoming overloaded with people's expectaions .. their happines... their sorrows... i cant help myself attaching to people's sorrows rather then their happines.
I started avoiding those .... forced sessions of people's discussions ... i know it was hard... and i know that change was easily noticable..... i felt the change in others also due to that change.
Now i have a pool of friends to whome these sessions are still on... and they were never part of that change.
Yon can see i can never become a good writer..... i totally lost the direction of the post.. :p no regrets though.... this post is under "my views" and as i said earlier... no comments required.
I am not alwayz ready to end post i am writing. i never liked writing but i am writing ... u see..!!
Last night i went through a strange dream. I had this dream 2-3 times last week. What i see is that in dreams i am surrounded by lions and tigers and they are in all directions... all over.. the place is some rocky green place. Now one by one they started attacking me.... but i was escaping each time...s0mehow.. i jumped... i ran .... i jumped over them... but escaped at last.
Each time this dream come the number of BIG CATS increased from that of last time... now they started attacking in groups.... but i am finding myself now more confortable (experience .. you can say !!! )...
but strange thing is that .. now other people are surounding me and still those creature are tagetting me... yesterday i saw a rare white tiger also... as soon as escaped last night ..... it broke my sleep... i woke up ... stood up.... went to fridge ... had some water....!!
Then i realized and tried to remember what i was doing ... before sleeping... i was waiting for something..... right!!?? ... i dint remeber when i slept... i went to PC ..... logged on ...checked time.. it was 3 quarter past three in night...
i checked for what i was waiting...!! no success... :( am i expecting much..?? ... NO.. i think....!! .. i need to think all over again...
My Sleep was gone ........what to do den ?? ...den i googled about my Dream and what it mean... i do believe in dreams .. their connection to what you will face ... and what you have faced..
What i got is that ......it means "You will be attacked by Enemies from all directions.....in any part of life..... U cant predict"
but didnt i mentioned..... :D that i escaped all the times..
SO ... i am waiting and i am prepared LIONS and TIGERS .... i welcome you with open arms... but will not let you people HUG me... :-)
Sandeep :-)
I tried doing some office work, generally which i didnt touch at room, but couldnt carry that on for more than 1 hr. Then i did some Net Surfing..... that was also boring !!!
Lastly i took my guitar and started playing that ..it's almost midnight but none of my roommate was complaing .... yesterday... strange for me. They generally asked me not to play it at odd hours .. so as to avoid neighbours yelling at us :D..
Yesterday was different.. when i tried recalling the whole day ... i can feel the day is different. In Office i was given another assignment that will keep me on toes for 2 months. I love such tasks... and feels great that i am being chosen from the whole team. I love taking responsibilities. Thats what i am doing in all phase of my life.... whether .. office ... friends.... rather i would say i have changed myself a bit to obtain .. balance between my office life and personal life. There were times when my friends were alwayz waiting for me to come from office.... yelling at me at times. Those were the times and those all have gone.
I started giving more time to my friends... i was alwayz ready for them... i do this till date ...!!! when i see at me today i am a complete changed person from what i was some 1 yr back, ... well i alwayz appreciated this change... all credit goes to the situations i faced.
When i look back i can see myself people from all sides ready to tell me about their problems... their happines.... this also happened with persons with whome i have a small contact. I can never find the reason for that involvement ... i can never find i know. But at times i felt that i am becoming overloaded with people's expectaions .. their happines... their sorrows... i cant help myself attaching to people's sorrows rather then their happines.
I started avoiding those .... forced sessions of people's discussions ... i know it was hard... and i know that change was easily noticable..... i felt the change in others also due to that change.
Now i have a pool of friends to whome these sessions are still on... and they were never part of that change.
Yon can see i can never become a good writer..... i totally lost the direction of the post.. :p no regrets though.... this post is under "my views" and as i said earlier... no comments required.
I am not alwayz ready to end post i am writing. i never liked writing but i am writing ... u see..!!
Last night i went through a strange dream. I had this dream 2-3 times last week. What i see is that in dreams i am surrounded by lions and tigers and they are in all directions... all over.. the place is some rocky green place. Now one by one they started attacking me.... but i was escaping each time...s0mehow.. i jumped... i ran .... i jumped over them... but escaped at last.
Each time this dream come the number of BIG CATS increased from that of last time... now they started attacking in groups.... but i am finding myself now more confortable (experience .. you can say !!! )...
but strange thing is that .. now other people are surounding me and still those creature are tagetting me... yesterday i saw a rare white tiger also... as soon as escaped last night ..... it broke my sleep... i woke up ... stood up.... went to fridge ... had some water....!!
Then i realized and tried to remember what i was doing ... before sleeping... i was waiting for something..... right!!?? ... i dint remeber when i slept... i went to PC ..... logged on ...checked time.. it was 3 quarter past three in night...
i checked for what i was waiting...!! no success... :( am i expecting much..?? ... NO.. i think....!! .. i need to think all over again...
My Sleep was gone ........what to do den ?? ...den i googled about my Dream and what it mean... i do believe in dreams .. their connection to what you will face ... and what you have faced..
What i got is that ......it means "You will be attacked by Enemies from all directions.....in any part of life..... U cant predict"
but didnt i mentioned..... :D that i escaped all the times..
SO ... i am waiting and i am prepared LIONS and TIGERS .... i welcome you with open arms... but will not let you people HUG me... :-)
Sandeep :-)
Monday, August 20, 2007
The Guitar Saga....!!!
This is intresting..... you'll not really notice these small but touching stories ...!!
Firstly i had to admit... guitars fascinated me whole my life that i lived... one cud never find reason for such strange fascinations..!! i never tried though :-p.
So due to this strange.. atraction i alwayz wanted myself to play guitar... cudnt get time in college ... nor were the facilities..
After so much time the charm was still ON.. and i found myself financial enough strong ..after 1 yr of job to let myself ....learn the guitar..!!!
Friends... encouraged me !! ... made fun of me.. discouraged me...(nothing personal though.... its all part of friendshipmanship that we have :D..) ..but these things little teasers only added to my determination.
Atlast ....!! ..I found a music teacher .. to teach me guitar .. let me tell you the starting days were very discouraging... as it is not really easy to play this thing..
But i managed to hold... all credits to the "charm" to guitar and another "charm" that was coming to guitar classes...
So... i started .. i worked hard... and the results are worth noting.. meanwhile i met this charm gal at two three more places which just added to the existing charm.. :-)
In Guitar class i dint get chance to speak to this gal.. due to timings... due to reluctance by my side.. and due to something i dnt knw..
In the end i saw this gal in my office... and i started some hi-hello.... eyebrows updowns... i love this..!!
so i thought i was in a position to admit that .... there is something.... i dnt say it love... nt flatuation..even..
The girl is cute... with beautiful eyes.... and the voice she's having i liked the most...i found this girl less talkactive... but still can steal the show with whateva she speaks...
So finally i admitted to myself that ... i am having "crush" on her ..after a long time... i wanted to speak to her... wanted to spend time with her... and buddies.... i was getting some attention.. ;-)
So the next day i went to class early!! to match with her timings... but she dint turned up.... i palyed guitar for 2 hrs.. that day .... hoping that she might come late. No success though!!! :-(
What i got that day is that....information that we'll not be having classes for next 2 weeks as the teacher ...needed a break... :-).... gud timings is what i can say.
I knew i can never get time in office to talk to her... the only option for 1 hr interction is my Guitar classes... considering the fact that it is not feasible to catch her up... in 2000 people workforce...
So i was sure i am not getting what i wanted for two weeks... :-( neway .. after this all happend i got my senses back to realize that "I dont know her name !!!!!"
I tried my best to get her name... sources all over the office were searching for that gal and her name...
One late evening...... "I GOT THAT !!!!!!! " u can never imagine how good i was feeling that.... hearing that really sweet name.... i cant mention The Name here... i promised to myself that i'll not do that...
So the next day ... i searched for her on ORKUT .... the first thing i wanted to do..... hell knows WHY??? ...
Though i dint got any profile with her name but i got to a community... logical connected to her..!! and dint i mention she had a sweet but unique name.... !! ... so what i got from there.. was nt funny at that moment.. :-(
It was mentioned in BOLD ( why???) that ---
"Miss Charm is getting married on 24th Nov, 2007 and getting engaged on 22nd July, 2007"
i looked at the date .....in calender... it was 17th Nov, 2007..
As per my fundas of life... "Loving someone is all about not making her sad in neway" i am letting my hapiness down again !!!
I'll not try to get her in any trouble !!!! of anytype... that can arise if i'll tell her about
will not let her know that i loved her (??) .. though i'll try to become her friend... if possible !!! and if i can manage being friend only !!
Firstly i had to admit... guitars fascinated me whole my life that i lived... one cud never find reason for such strange fascinations..!! i never tried though :-p.
So due to this strange.. atraction i alwayz wanted myself to play guitar... cudnt get time in college ... nor were the facilities..
After so much time the charm was still ON.. and i found myself financial enough strong ..after 1 yr of job to let myself ....learn the guitar..!!!
Friends... encouraged me !! ... made fun of me.. discouraged me...(nothing personal though.... its all part of friendshipmanship that we have :D..) ..but these things little teasers only added to my determination.
Atlast ....!! ..I found a music teacher .. to teach me guitar .. let me tell you the starting days were very discouraging... as it is not really easy to play this thing..
But i managed to hold... all credits to the "charm" to guitar and another "charm" that was coming to guitar classes...
So... i started .. i worked hard... and the results are worth noting.. meanwhile i met this charm gal at two three more places which just added to the existing charm.. :-)
In Guitar class i dint get chance to speak to this gal.. due to timings... due to reluctance by my side.. and due to something i dnt knw..
In the end i saw this gal in my office... and i started some hi-hello.... eyebrows updowns... i love this..!!
so i thought i was in a position to admit that .... there is something.... i dnt say it love... nt flatuation..even..
The girl is cute... with beautiful eyes.... and the voice she's having i liked the most...i found this girl less talkactive... but still can steal the show with whateva she speaks...
So finally i admitted to myself that ... i am having "crush" on her ..after a long time... i wanted to speak to her... wanted to spend time with her... and buddies.... i was getting some attention.. ;-)
So the next day i went to class early!! to match with her timings... but she dint turned up.... i palyed guitar for 2 hrs.. that day .... hoping that she might come late. No success though!!! :-(
What i got that day is that....information that we'll not be having classes for next 2 weeks as the teacher ...needed a break... :-).... gud timings is what i can say.
I knew i can never get time in office to talk to her... the only option for 1 hr interction is my Guitar classes... considering the fact that it is not feasible to catch her up... in 2000 people workforce...
So i was sure i am not getting what i wanted for two weeks... :-( neway .. after this all happend i got my senses back to realize that "I dont know her name !!!!!"
I tried my best to get her name... sources all over the office were searching for that gal and her name...
One late evening...... "I GOT THAT !!!!!!! " u can never imagine how good i was feeling that.... hearing that really sweet name.... i cant mention The Name here... i promised to myself that i'll not do that...
So the next day ... i searched for her on ORKUT .... the first thing i wanted to do..... hell knows WHY??? ...
Though i dint got any profile with her name but i got to a community... logical connected to her..!! and dint i mention she had a sweet but unique name.... !! ... so what i got from there.. was nt funny at that moment.. :-(
It was mentioned in BOLD ( why???) that ---
"Miss Charm is getting married on 24th Nov, 2007 and getting engaged on 22nd July, 2007"
i looked at the date .....in calender... it was 17th Nov, 2007..
As per my fundas of life... "Loving someone is all about not making her sad in neway" i am letting my hapiness down again !!!
I'll not try to get her in any trouble !!!! of anytype... that can arise if i'll tell her about
will not let her know that i loved her (??) .. though i'll try to become her friend... if possible !!! and if i can manage being friend only !!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
How it started....
Sigh....
I really dont know..... i did thought about writing blogs...sometime, but not that seriously.
It happens sometime you cant expect and you cant believe what inspires you. I am sure that was not intentional and .. this is not the reason why i started my journey back from my home-town to work-town.
Something should have happend... i was listening to my walkman phone.. and was quite enjopying the cool breeze flowing thru the rajasthan roadways bus...(you can not alwayz expect this cool wind flowing through your hair ..while travelling on NH-8), unintentionaly i was dragged in thoughts by myself. I started thinking about what i am, what i am doing and why i am doing? this blog is just an attempt to answer my those questions to me.
Another reason ... that i think is that.. i am going through a strange phase of life... my career started!!!...i am still searching for love?? not sure...well, i am having some plans.. but dont know how to implement.
One thing i can say here.... i never had shortage of friends.... i had them and having them in ... quality and quantity... of different nature.... different personality, but there are things that cant be shared with them ... if you know that they cant understand....and as a friend you alwayz know what can they understand and what they cant.
I was alwayz a fun loving person ... never really presented myself as serious person to my friends.... my fault!!! ... so as i am a funloving ... happy-go-lucky... i can alwayz remain happy..right!!? ...
Not, really... sometimes you think why people dont take you seriously... why your considerations .. your life... you love.... becomes part of friends gossips... !! i know this is not intentional... noone's fault...
People only discuss their personal matters ...when they think it is required and they know the person to whome they are sharing ... will try to help... and that person is keen in helping you .. as a friend... he has the same intrest in your life... matters.. as he has in his own...
I think....!! and i am not sure if i am right.... i am facing this situation....
Once you are in love... !!!.. my experiences on me and... observations on others ..you have priorities defined .. to whome you'll care about...either family or ur love mate... and as the situations vary.... all time goes in talkin about your family and your mate... ups and downs...and thus less care about friends... their lives... this happens really...!!!
So... i was thinkin... what should i do with my thoughts.... my feelings... no one is caring about me..... i guess!!!
I know if somebody of my friends got to know about this blog... i will be getting some... gud scolding classes... :-p and some explanations .. some examples to prove that i am wrong....!! my views are not right....
OK... fine... may be!!!... but these are mine.... !!
i'll continue to post here... my stories... my experiences... and even my love stories.. :D ... they are strange ...
in the end... so nehow it started... i m nt gonna stop :-)
I really dont know..... i did thought about writing blogs...sometime, but not that seriously.
It happens sometime you cant expect and you cant believe what inspires you. I am sure that was not intentional and .. this is not the reason why i started my journey back from my home-town to work-town.
Something should have happend... i was listening to my walkman phone.. and was quite enjopying the cool breeze flowing thru the rajasthan roadways bus...(you can not alwayz expect this cool wind flowing through your hair ..while travelling on NH-8), unintentionaly i was dragged in thoughts by myself. I started thinking about what i am, what i am doing and why i am doing? this blog is just an attempt to answer my those questions to me.
Another reason ... that i think is that.. i am going through a strange phase of life... my career started!!!...i am still searching for love?? not sure...well, i am having some plans.. but dont know how to implement.
One thing i can say here.... i never had shortage of friends.... i had them and having them in ... quality and quantity... of different nature.... different personality, but there are things that cant be shared with them ... if you know that they cant understand....and as a friend you alwayz know what can they understand and what they cant.
I was alwayz a fun loving person ... never really presented myself as serious person to my friends.... my fault!!! ... so as i am a funloving ... happy-go-lucky... i can alwayz remain happy..right!!? ...
Not, really... sometimes you think why people dont take you seriously... why your considerations .. your life... you love.... becomes part of friends gossips... !! i know this is not intentional... noone's fault...
People only discuss their personal matters ...when they think it is required and they know the person to whome they are sharing ... will try to help... and that person is keen in helping you .. as a friend... he has the same intrest in your life... matters.. as he has in his own...
I think....!! and i am not sure if i am right.... i am facing this situation....
Once you are in love... !!!.. my experiences on me and... observations on others ..you have priorities defined .. to whome you'll care about...either family or ur love mate... and as the situations vary.... all time goes in talkin about your family and your mate... ups and downs...and thus less care about friends... their lives... this happens really...!!!
So... i was thinkin... what should i do with my thoughts.... my feelings... no one is caring about me..... i guess!!!
I know if somebody of my friends got to know about this blog... i will be getting some... gud scolding classes... :-p and some explanations .. some examples to prove that i am wrong....!! my views are not right....
OK... fine... may be!!!... but these are mine.... !!
i'll continue to post here... my stories... my experiences... and even my love stories.. :D ... they are strange ...
in the end... so nehow it started... i m nt gonna stop :-)
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